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Calley. I may be the dumbest smart person you'll ever meet.
Peace and Love

madeupmonkeyshit:

Bae: wanna get something to eat?

Me: I’m broke shawd

Bae: it’s okay I got you

Me:

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whoredinarygirl:

when my mom was pregnant with me my sister decided she didn’t want another sibling so one day she took my brother’s toy cars and lined them by my mom’s room’s doorway and tried making my mom fall on her stomach
my sister tried killing me in the womb


kvotheunkvothe:

thesassylorax:

everthorne:

judas was creepy as fuck

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Personal space, Judas. It’s a thing.

"Hello, Jesus."
"…Judas, we’ve talked about this."


iambluedog:

agoatkid:

raphael: *looks directly into the camera like he’s on the office*

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fartgallery:

I am now available to hire for bachelor/bachelorette parties, only $50/hr, not including tips


4,604 plays

professorsugoi:

the-bored-cat:

What does kindness get you? This.

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corpsepose:

happy easter


helioscentrifuge:

h0tpat00tie:

Is this how lesbian sex works

TRANSFORM AND LEZ OUT


prostitourettes:

my wedding playlist

  • walking down the aisle: avril lavigne - hot
  • during wedding vows: avril lavigne - keep holdin on (instrumental)
  • just married song: avril lavigne - sk8er boi (starts from the last chorus)
  • first dance: avril lavigne - i will be
  • parent dance: avril lavigne - what the hell
  • band plays all the other classic avril lavigne songs
  • last dance: avril lavigne - smile

myowntwoshoes:

the—blonde-assassin:

sarcasticmisanthropicvegan:

they were rescued from a testing lab, they’ve never walked on grass before

they look so nervous :(


2dcc:

take me to a museum. kiss me on the steps. shove the Mona Lisa up my ass


ppyajunebug:

Wayne Brady has reached the level of Eternal Scout


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