Bae: wanna get something to eat?
Me: I’m broke shawd
Bae: it’s okay I got you
when my mom was pregnant with me my sister decided she didn’t want another sibling so one day she took my brother’s toy cars and lined them by my mom’s room’s doorway and tried making my mom fall on her stomach
my sister tried killing me in the womb
judas was creepy as fuck
Personal space, Judas. It’s a thing.
"…Judas, we’ve talked about this."
I am now available to hire for bachelor/bachelorette parties, only $50/hr, not including tips
my wedding playlist
- walking down the aisle: avril lavigne - hot
- during wedding vows: avril lavigne - keep holdin on (instrumental)
- just married song: avril lavigne - sk8er boi (starts from the last chorus)
- first dance: avril lavigne - i will be
- parent dance: avril lavigne - what the hell
- band plays all the other classic avril lavigne songs
- last dance: avril lavigne - smile
they were rescued from a testing lab, they’ve never walked on grass before
they look so nervous :(